Are our friends, that is. Over the last few years, what with being in school and busier than a one-armed paper hanger, my girlfriendships have dwindled in size and frequency, much to my regret.
I know it's not all my fault--since all our kids have grown and moved out, many of us in this weird age between full-time motherhood and retirement seem to have found an unexpected burst of energy and are working more, going back to school, volunteering, and doing many of the things we never thought of when we were raising kids. And it's fun, sometimes, and fulfilling, and a whole bunch of good things. Except that it makes it very difficult to nurture those precious girlfriend relationships that make us feel, well, normal!
We had an ice day today, and even though the ice was pretty much gone by noon, the powers-that-be had already closed the schools. And it occurred to me this afternoon that maybe Tracie, one of my favorite schoolteacher friends, might be off as well. Sure enough, we were able to spend a precious half-hour catching up on each other's lives and making a date to get together for fajitas this weekend. Which was not as easy as it sounds...Day jobs, plus I've got class Monday and Wednesday, she's got class Tuesday and Thursday, our small group meets on Saturday and hers on Sunday...then throw in helping out with our sweet grandbabies from time to time--it just doesn't leave much space for those wonderful, catch-up on each others' husbands/kids/grandkids/"ohmigosh can you believe what they did this time?" moments!
I'm sure we could all promise to be less busy and get together more, but the reality is that for right now I'm just going to have to enjoy the moments when they come around and be thankful for these dear women and the relationships we have, even if right now they're not as frequent as any of us would like. And know that when this season passes, things may change yet again, and that's OK too.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Techno-stupid
I am a college student. Have been in school for going on 9 years, starting with community college and now in grad school. Have experienced a measure of approval and validation from being a college student. Let's face it, I'm good at it. Not so much like being a mom, especially to teenagers, where my one hope was that I could get them to adulthood without them becoming axe-murderers. They both have reached the age where their insurance premiums have decreased, and as far as I know neither of them have bludgeoned anyone to death with sharp or blunt instruments.
But I digress. Normally in my life I feel fairly intelligent--I can discuss politics fairly fluently, can read (and sometimes understand) regression models in soc. journals, and even know enough to always refer to Snopes.com whenever someone sends me some scary e-mail about psychopaths waiting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.
But the modern computer world? Now, that's a sure-fire way to make me feel as stupid as poor old Crystal-the-kitty, may her furry little soul rest in peace.
So Hotmail just ate another really important e-mail before I could save it, and I'm fed.up.to.here. My kids have convinced me to switch over to gmail--they swear it's wonderful--but what a hassle! I've got years worth of folders and messages that I can't move over easily, if at all, not to mention getting address books changed all over the place.
So my Beloved-Geek was trying to get me onto Outlook or something, and talking about Exchange and servers and POPs and who the heck knows what else? And I'm looking at all these options and thinking, can't we just keep this simple??? Is that really too much to ask?
Sigh. I hate computers, I really do. Except when they work. And when they make my life work. Which is most of the time. But right now I'd like to take a baseball bat to the GD thing, because they make me feel really, really dumb, and that is not a place I like to be.
But I digress. Normally in my life I feel fairly intelligent--I can discuss politics fairly fluently, can read (and sometimes understand) regression models in soc. journals, and even know enough to always refer to Snopes.com whenever someone sends me some scary e-mail about psychopaths waiting in the parking lot at Wal-Mart.
But the modern computer world? Now, that's a sure-fire way to make me feel as stupid as poor old Crystal-the-kitty, may her furry little soul rest in peace.
So Hotmail just ate another really important e-mail before I could save it, and I'm fed.up.to.here. My kids have convinced me to switch over to gmail--they swear it's wonderful--but what a hassle! I've got years worth of folders and messages that I can't move over easily, if at all, not to mention getting address books changed all over the place.
So my Beloved-Geek was trying to get me onto Outlook or something, and talking about Exchange and servers and POPs and who the heck knows what else? And I'm looking at all these options and thinking, can't we just keep this simple??? Is that really too much to ask?
Sigh. I hate computers, I really do. Except when they work. And when they make my life work. Which is most of the time. But right now I'd like to take a baseball bat to the GD thing, because they make me feel really, really dumb, and that is not a place I like to be.
Saturday, January 10, 2009
A decision made, I think!
So I'm sitting here at DD's place at 11:00 at night, cursing the cup of coffee that my soon-to-be SIL brought for me this afternoon...while I'm certain that he ordered what I requested (mostly decaf with cream), it came black. And based on how I feel right now, am pretty sure it was fully caffeinated. A pox on you, Evil Green & Black Coffee Empire!
Oh well, what else are Advil PM's for anyhow?
The good thing is that this is the first time I've had in a couple of days to be alone and think through the decision that it looks like I've made...to go back to grad school and finish the program. Or at least try.
Last spring, I woke up one Saturday and concluded that I had to stop, I had to finish the end of the semester and then get off the train. Sometimes I think we are going on a path and it feels uncomfortable or weird or just plain wrong, but we think that if we just give it a bit more time, if we just work a bit harder, if we just think "positive, happy thoughts" then it will all turn out OK. But I woke up that day and realized that staying on the wrong road longer does not make it right, it just means you're farther down the wrong path. If that makes any sense at all.
So I decided to get off and reevaluate which road I was on, and why I was on it. My professors advised against it, urged me to go ahead and take the qualifying exam and then take some time off. But I just couldn't make myself do it.
Then I took another course, not in my major but just as "professional development," and did an internship-type project. And thought, and thought some more, and tried to gain clarity about returning to the program.
Over our trip to Canada and our son's wedding, I began to seee that what I really did want to do was to focus on a slightly different area of study but go ahead and finish the Ph.D. My sweetie listened to me disentangle all the threads of the argument, and agreed that if I could focus on this topic, it might be worth doing.
So last week, I met my mentor/prof for lunch and told him what I was thinking. I asked him about the general topic idea, and to my amazement he agreed that it was not only doable, but potentially a very good idea! And that the professional support I would need will likely be available. Then I contacted two former profs about sitting in on their classes this spring, as refreshers for the exam, and both of them said yes! And even my mother, who I expected to be fairly unenthusiastic about the prospect of me returning to the program, was both positive and accepting. All together, more than I could have hoped for!
The only one who is not enthusiastic is DD, which is understandable given a likely wedding in the foreseeable future. So I know that I have to be sure and not get so overwhelmed that I can't be there for her and this time in her life.
I'm still scared to death about the prospect of taking the exam, and if I don't pass it then it will be clear that this was not God's plan for my life after all. There are no guarantees. But all I can do is study and try my best.
But the bottom line is that I really, really, really want this. Can't say why, or identify what job could result, or anything else. Just that since I was about 9 years old (the age of my sweet granddaughter, as a matter of fact!), I have dreamed of having those letters after my name. And regardless of how unqualified I feel, or how hard it is, or how costly it will be, I need to give it my best shot. And although I do not know why, I feel peace about that.
So we'll see.
Oh well, what else are Advil PM's for anyhow?
The good thing is that this is the first time I've had in a couple of days to be alone and think through the decision that it looks like I've made...to go back to grad school and finish the program. Or at least try.
Last spring, I woke up one Saturday and concluded that I had to stop, I had to finish the end of the semester and then get off the train. Sometimes I think we are going on a path and it feels uncomfortable or weird or just plain wrong, but we think that if we just give it a bit more time, if we just work a bit harder, if we just think "positive, happy thoughts" then it will all turn out OK. But I woke up that day and realized that staying on the wrong road longer does not make it right, it just means you're farther down the wrong path. If that makes any sense at all.
So I decided to get off and reevaluate which road I was on, and why I was on it. My professors advised against it, urged me to go ahead and take the qualifying exam and then take some time off. But I just couldn't make myself do it.
Then I took another course, not in my major but just as "professional development," and did an internship-type project. And thought, and thought some more, and tried to gain clarity about returning to the program.
Over our trip to Canada and our son's wedding, I began to seee that what I really did want to do was to focus on a slightly different area of study but go ahead and finish the Ph.D. My sweetie listened to me disentangle all the threads of the argument, and agreed that if I could focus on this topic, it might be worth doing.
So last week, I met my mentor/prof for lunch and told him what I was thinking. I asked him about the general topic idea, and to my amazement he agreed that it was not only doable, but potentially a very good idea! And that the professional support I would need will likely be available. Then I contacted two former profs about sitting in on their classes this spring, as refreshers for the exam, and both of them said yes! And even my mother, who I expected to be fairly unenthusiastic about the prospect of me returning to the program, was both positive and accepting. All together, more than I could have hoped for!
The only one who is not enthusiastic is DD, which is understandable given a likely wedding in the foreseeable future. So I know that I have to be sure and not get so overwhelmed that I can't be there for her and this time in her life.
I'm still scared to death about the prospect of taking the exam, and if I don't pass it then it will be clear that this was not God's plan for my life after all. There are no guarantees. But all I can do is study and try my best.
But the bottom line is that I really, really, really want this. Can't say why, or identify what job could result, or anything else. Just that since I was about 9 years old (the age of my sweet granddaughter, as a matter of fact!), I have dreamed of having those letters after my name. And regardless of how unqualified I feel, or how hard it is, or how costly it will be, I need to give it my best shot. And although I do not know why, I feel peace about that.
So we'll see.
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